The new commander of the Airborne Brigade met with personnel.
- And you, ordinary Pilipenko, how many times a parachute jump?
- Why one?
- The parachute failed to open.
- A spare?
- And what has saved your life?
- But is it life? Already half a year without a vacation!
The instructor for courses on engineering, asked this question the future officers:
- Imagine that the three-meter tower with a flagpole fell. At your disposal is a sergeant and the department of eight people. Your actions? Showered with offers, how to use those or other techniques to install a mast.
- Wrong, all wrong! - Said in response to the instructor. - You just have to order: "Sergeant, put the mast in place."
Corporal catching a bored soldier ..
- A soldier! Take the crowbar and go sweep the parade!
- Sir, can better broom?
- I do not have better. I need you to заебался!
Captain James, a member of the Vietnam War, said:
- Once the enemy began heavy shelling of our rockets. Under the sirens my friend and I rushed into the nearest hole. Lying on her bottom with his eyes closed and a heavy heart, I listened to the explosions, when my friend nudged me in the ribs and said: "feel the earth moving beneath us?" I was about to reply, but then out from under us sounded muffled voice: "Do not pay any attention to it. Below you even safer."
funny sayings jokes
- Orderly, where are we going?
- In the morgue.
- So I'll show is not dead yet!
- So we have not yet arrived ...
The editor asks his correspondent:
- You were at the meeting of the Senate. And what of the new senator said?
- Absolutely nothing ...
- Fine. Urgently prepare report on the front page. But less than six pages!
There comes a patient to the doctor and says:
- Dr. hurts me in the ass.
- Well, get on your knees ... Yes .. Come elbows bend ... and the priest both higher ... verge ... And now become the same here at the window ... No let down here to the closet ... No, that's better than here in the corner ... So ...
- Doctor, perhaps I did not have hemorrhoids?
- Yes, hemorrhoids, of course, now I'll give candles ...
- And why you moved me around the room?
- Yes, that's a table I want to buy, here and look how it will look ...
One very experienced gentleman asks only that a married friend:
- Tell your wife had any dowry?
- No, no.
- Besides, they say, it is quite independent?
- Yes, it's true.
- Then why, my friend, you decided on such a serious step?
- Why? It's very simple - I love it!
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