Young driver Bilds returned to the garage on foot late at night.
- Where is your truck? - Asked his commander.
- In two miles away.
- Why do not they brought him here?
- It was already dark and I could not collect all the parts, sir.
Ensign put two cadets problem: whitewash household room. The cadets have done everything they came and reported on the task. Ensign went to work.
- And what is this?
- So it's your shadow, Comrade Lieutenant.
- Anyway whitewash.
First alien contact. Crowd of presidents, ministers, generals, all in ribbons and medals, and they face an alien ambassador pushes the question:
- Our civilization tends to peace and cooperation with all the inhabited planets, even with such backward, as your ... The public, understandably, confusion and dissatisfaction. Ambassador tries to smooth out the situation:
- Sorry, I forgot, that savages are very touchy ...
There comes a girl to the rabbi.
- Rebbe, the two men at the same time ask for my hand. But the problem is one of them - a thief, and another - a rapist. Who advise to choose? The rabbi said that the correct answer, he should consult with God, to retire, prayer, etc. Wait, he says. And goes into another room. From the kitchen comes to the rabbi's wife and whispers:
- I do not know what you nasovetuet my scientist husband, but as for me, so let me better than twice raped than once obvoruyut.
Crawling two snakes and one from the other asks:
- Listen, we are very poisonous?
- Strongly - strongly!
- Strongly - strongly - strongly!
- Well then I end, I'm biting my tongue!
One of Ilf and Petrov were asked whether they had to write under a pseudonym. To which they replied:
- Of course, sometimes signed Petrov, Ilf and Petrov Ilf.
Die American. My wife wants to talk to him. Satisfied seance is the spirit of her husband.
- Yes, Mary.
- John, how are you, what are you doing?
- In the morning we eat, fuck, sleep, day - eat, fuck, sleep in the evening - eat, fuck, sleep. So - every day.
- John, where are you? In Paradise?
- I'm a rabbit in Kentucky.
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