Soldier for a few days late from leave. Commander asks:
- What is it?
- The wife badly smashed his head.
- And you do with it?
- How to - what? Head-it was mine, Captain!
Military traffic policeman was not satisfied: on duty on the road coming to an end, but he did not keep any violator of the rules of the road. Drove past the truck, and police decided to follow him on his motorcycle. They drove about ten miles, and the driver gave no reason for the displeasure of the police. Finally the police decided to stop the truck and driver to thank for his very careful control of the machine. Private Smith looked at the police osolovelymi eyes and said to him, barely moving language:
- When a strong drink, drive carefully!
Soldiers being sent by plane, one of them asked:
- And we will be given a parachute in case of accident?
- No, not allowed.
- And when we were transported by ship, we were given life jackets.
- Yes, on the ship so it should be.
- Of all things! I never imagined that people who know how to fly, more than people who know how to swim!
funny one line jokes
The sergeant gave orders to fire safety in the subdivision.
- The main thing that you have not dropped cigarette butts! You remember the story of the great fire of London?
- Yeah, tell me! You would have thought the great flood!
funny one liners jokes
- A girl, a girl, you have breasts?
- And why you do not wear?
In the States, a holiday was. There is a parade through the streets, girls with legs and drums. Miss Universe, Indians. Americans and American flags waving guests. The elephant is, followed by a clown. Suddenly the elephant's tail raises, and thence falling excrement, pieces. Clown their cleverly picked up, juggling, threw high and one foot gracefully sent in a special basket behind him. The audience loved it! The children even gave the salute to this clever clown! The holiday was a success. All were tired and happy, and one uncle is coming to the clown and says:
- Tell me, how much you get for your original number?
- Twenty - meets clown.
- You know, - said his uncle .- I am a businessman, in fact a billionaire. But, that's bad luck from time to time on all sorts receptions and receptions happened to me about the same embarrassment as your bishop today. If you agree the same way to smooth out my discomfort and discharged the situation with the help of such tricks, I am ready to pay you for it a thousand dollars at a time. Do you agree? The clown looked at him like an idiot and replied:
- Do you think that for the sake of your stinking thousands of dollars, I give up show business!
joke one liner
James left the recruiting office with a summons in hand. He met a friend.
- I want to congratulate you, James. This is the happiest day in your life.
- Why? I'm still not in the army! To send in the army, I should arrive here tomorrow.
- That's why I say that today you have the happiest day.
London. English lord and his wife at breakfast.
- Lord John, in light of the rumors ...
- This is the problem of light.
- Yes, but rumors say that Lady Jane has a lover.
- This is the problem of Lady Jane.
- Yes, but they say that her husband was Lady Jane vowed to kill the lover of ...
- This is the problem of her husband.
- Yes, but rumors say that the lover - that's you.
- This is my problem.
- And what about me?
- And it - your problem.
next 67 68 69 70 71